


Party Boys

by mfdunklaus



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Fluff, M/M, just duncan being a drunk baby, thats pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26036080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mfdunklaus/pseuds/mfdunklaus
Summary: “I can't taste my lips, can you do it for me?"  Duncan says, and out of the corner of his eye sees Fiona, red-faced and panting."I'm serious, Quagmire. Stop flirting with me!”
Relationships: Klaus Baudelaire/Duncan Quagmire
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	Party Boys

**Author's Note:**

> so i’ve been dead for a while.. like for a long time and i’m sorry, life hasn’t been the best the past month and i promise not to fall out like that again
> 
> So anyway go read anhedonia if you haven’t already
> 
> M<3

"Come on, Quigley. I didn't drink that much yesterday." Duncan says, lying in bed with a terrible headache.

“Are you serious now?" Quigley grins and hands his brother an aspirin and water.

Duncan had come to Quigleys house after Violets birthday party and had apparently been unable to get any further than his place. Well, or didn't want to. The Quagmire remembered exactly how he had ended the evening sobbing, but what it was about was a mystery to him, obscured by alcohol.

"Yeah sure,” Duncan gives up and takes a pill.

“Of all that happened, I only remember the beginning of the party and the end when I was crying. I don't remember a damn thing in the middle. Would you fill me in?”

“You are lucky, my bro, that I was with you from the beginning to the end,” Quigley smiles, “Believe me, it's an epic story, because you're such a drama Queen! I would make you popcorn, but you have to go to the store to get it.”

"Wait, where's Klaus?"

Quigley looks like he's about to crack a smile, but he doesn't say anything and hands Duncan a towel.

“You need to take a shower first. I love you, of course, and all that, but you stink, man.”

"Fuck you," Duncan hits his brother with a pillow that sends a new wave of pain through his head, and then goes into the shower with the sighs of a dying old man. (and he’s only 23!).

Half an hour later, the Quagmire walks into the living room with a towel wrapped around his hips and wet hair.

"No, Quigley. Don't tell me you actually did it. God,” Duncan mutters, and sits down next to his brother, putting his hand in a bag of popcorn that Quigley apparently bought while the other was in the shower, “Now can I find out where Klaus is?"

Quigley just shakes his head and looks like he’s holding back a chuckle. 

"No," he says, “All in order. First about what happened yesterday,” he makes a pause trying to chew popcorn. “You were flirting with Klaus. And, really, I feel like I was born specifically to see this. So, after the club, we went to Fionas bar...”

It was dark outside, but it couldn't have been more than nine o'clock, so they decided it would be a good idea to visit an old friend at the bar. That friend was the traitor Fiona. And she was a traitor, because she poured Duncan a drink even when she saw that he was no longer thinking and could barely stand on his feet. 

Perhaps it was because of the courage and pleasant dizziness from a huge number of different alcoholic beverages that Duncan began to flirt. And not just with anyone, but with Klaus. The Baudelaire was sitting at the bar, completely sober because of the antidepressants he’s been taking, and talking to an equally sober Fiona. They were once very close friends. Once. Long ago. But of course, that doesn't stop Duncan from being greedy and not letting Fiona take over Klaus before he does.

"Wait, wait, wait. I went to ... take Klaus away from Fiona? You're sure this isn't your dream, aren't you? " asks Duncan

“No, I wasn't completely drunk. Shut up, listen and eat your popcorn! I didn't just run after it for nothing.”

Klaus laughs out loud and looks so charming that Duncan can't resist going over to him. Fiona won’t take him! She shouldn't!

"Hi, handsome," he says, to which Klaus turns abruptly and lets out a chuckle.

"Well, Hello, Quagmire.”

“Ooh, I like it when you call me that,” he pauses to put his hand on the Klaus’ waist. A very long pause, because his hand suddenly becomes very heavy and misses the body of the curly-haired man.

"Fiona, what did you give him?" the Baudelaire asks quietly, while Duncan is still trying to find his waist. 

“A shot of vodka.”

Klaus gives her a glare.

“Well two shots.”

Klaus continues to stare, but now with raised eyebrows.

“Three shots of vodka, one Mojito, and a little whiskey."

"My God,” Klaus' eyes widen. “He was already drunk at the club. How is he even standing now?”

Finally, Duncan succeeds in the game "put your hand on the other person's waist" and returns to the dialogue.

"Klaus," the Quagmire calls, “I was thinking you might not have to pay the rent."

“What rent? You live in a dorm, and so do I, remember?

"Not that rent," Duncan hiccups, but stands up straight, "the rent for living in my heart."

"Dunc, uh, are you-" His lips break into a smile, and he chuckles, “are you flirting right now?"

"Maybe," Duncan says, trying to sound as sexy as possible, which, by the way, he has definitely failed doing.

"You're disgusting," laughs the curly-haired man, pushing Duncan away, over-dramatically. 

"I have a problem, Babe—"

"Yes, I see. Instead of blood there’s alcohol running through your veins.”

Duncan shakes his head in protest, indicating that his opponent is wrong.

“No. The problem is that I really need a map, or better yet, a compass.”

“Why?"

“I'm lost in your eyes. Almost drowned in them.”

The Baudelaire pauses for a moment,then begins to laugh out loud. Literally. Even Fiona at the bar couldn't resist joining in.

"Oh, God, stop flirting with me!" Klaus says between bursts of laughter.

“I can't taste my lips, can you do it for me?" Duncan says, and out of the corner of his eye sees Fiona, red-faced and panting.

"I'm serious, Quagmire. Stop flirting with me!”

Duncan moves a little away from Klaus, almost falling, and becomes serious. He is consumed by frustration and frustration. After all, Fiona was faster than he was in this battle.

“Why? Are you taken?” Duncan asks directly, crossing his arms drunkenly over his chest.

“Are you serious right now?" Klaus asks, raising his eyebrows.

But Duncan just nods and looks at Fiona with hatred. She couldn't be with him. It is not true. He looks like he's going to cry, but he's holding on with all his strength, waiting for an answer to confirm or deny his suspicions. And Klaus accepts this game.

"Yes, I have someone. I'm not single.”

"I knew it," Duncan says, and the next second he falls into the nearest chair and bangs his head against the bar.

“Is he all right?" Fiona asks.

"Yes, Yes, don't worry. He'll get it soon enough, " Klaus says, rubbing his forehead wearily.

“I've already got it! I'm not stupid! You two must be happy. Sit in the evenings with your arms around each other and watch Real Love, drink tea and sleep with each other! I'm not stupid!" he exclaimed. 

“Hey, bro, I actually have a girlfriend." Fiona interrupts, wanting to stop the hateful glares at her.

"Oh, my God!” Duncan cries. “It's not even Fiona! You gave your beautiful, pure heart to some asshole, do you understand that? If it were mine, your heart I mean, I would protect it as the eighth wonder of the world, and you never! NEVER! I would never feel bad or offended, or not worthy of something, or not beautiful enough. I would have been with you to the end. Because I love you, Klaus Baudelaire. But if you decide to give your heart to someone else, just make sure that they protect it like... " and Duncan passed out in the middle of an emotional tantrum, never finishing his speech. 

“You're sure that's what happened?" Duncan asks Quigley, hoping that this is all some kind of ridiculous joke by his brother. 

"Yes, one hundred percent. First you were flirting with Klaus, and then you asked him if he was available... and then when he said he was taken, you started crying and making your heartwarming speech, but you didn't finish it because you passed out. We, by the way, dragged you to my house, and you were so heavy, just terrible!”

Duncan stares at nothing, putting the popcorn aside. How could he say such a thing to Klaus? How embarrassing.

“That's crazy. Why would I flirt with Klaus, and then cry? He's already... my fiancé. We're getting married in a couple of months…”

Quigley smiles and spreads his hands in a "How the fuck do I know?" gesture.

“You know better,” He laughs, shoving the last of the popcorn into his mouth, “No, well, by God, how could you get drunk and start being jealous of your fiancé, and then talk about your unhappy love and how no one is worthy of his heart?”

Duncan just slaps his hand on his forehead at this remark. This is definitely more colorful than any other words.

"So where’s Klaus?" the Quagmire suddenly comes to life.

Quigley shrugs innocently, “He's sleeping in the next room.”

**Author's Note:**

> pay me with kudos and comments


End file.
